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My family: HIV times three
By Jerry Thacker
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
My wife, Sue, and I, and our third child, Sarah, have been infected with HIV since 1984. We found out two years after our infection when I gave blood at church. We contracted the virus as a result of a blood transfusion given to Sue after Sarah’s birth. Sue brought HIV home to me and passed it on to Sarah through breast-feeding. We had not participated in immoral activities or illicit drugs. We were not “gay.” Like 23,000 other Americans who got HIV-tainted blood or blood products between 1978 and 1985, we had become “victims” of the sins of our society.
When we found out about our HIV infection in 1986, we didn’t know how long we would live. The life expectancy of those with full-blown AIDS was a short 15 months. Those infected and asymptomatic probably would have less than five years of life. We were already two years into that. Words can’t express the troublesome emotions that accompany such a discovery.
It looked unlikely we would have the joy of seeing our kids grow to be adults; others would probably rear them. My wife and I made a conscious decision to teach all three of our children, Shalin, Jared, and Sarah, principles that would endure. There was now an urgency that brought us to instill those vital principles in them that would carry them through life. From the beginning of this God-ordained trial, we determined that we would maintain a biblical foundation. We would teach them the truth of the Scriptures. We sought to deepen their understanding of a living faith in a living God and their understanding of what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
The ‘why’ question
Why would God let something like this happen to a Christian family? In our own halting, sinful-yet-sometimes-making-progress way, we were trying to serve God. But sometimes God doesn’t answer the why questions. He’s God. He doesn’t have to give us an answer. He would be perfectly just in allowing us to perish – if not for Adam’s sin, for our own. But he does give us grace to go through the trials. He uses them to build us, mature us, and make us people of more solid character. We concluded that what had happened to our family was either a colossal cosmic joke, or that God had a purpose in giving us HIV and allowing us to live to tell others about him.
One of my favorite Bible books has become the book of Job. We see God allowing Satan to test Job. Job loses all his earthly wealth (he was the wealthiest man in the world). He also loses his 10 children in a terrible accident. Finally, Job is inflicted with a dreaded disease that leaves him so sick that all he can do is sit in an ash heap and scrape himself with shards from a broken pot. But God never told Job why he did any of it. The Bible lets us know in clear terms that God is indeed in control, and we are not to question. He is working out all things for our good and his glory. God is under no obligation to let us know why he directs or allows certain things to happen. Job learned this as he lost all his earthly wealth and 10 children. We must learn to trust God’s wisdom and will.
We also recognize that the entire creation is awaiting the redemption of the Lord from the effects of sin on our world. In Romans 8:22-25 we read: “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the spirit groan inwardly as we await eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies."
This world is marked by sin and depravity. It’s awaiting final redemption. Until then, those of us who know Christ must trust that God will give us grace to bear that which goes on as we see the world’s pain. The sins of a society affect all people in that society – even those who do not do the sins.
My wife and I did not know in 1986 how much time we would have. But we did have a hope in God that he would see us safely home to Heaven and protect and love our children if we were not around to care for them. We knew they might have to live their lives without us. Faith in Christ and the principles of his Word were the only things we knew would help them through life.
Obedience and thankfulness
The Bible is clear. We must purpose to love God even when life doesn’t make sense. We are to determine before we face trials from without or the pressure to sin from within that we will obey God no matter how great the demands. God knows and directs all the circumstances of our lives. While it’s hard while we are in the middle of trials to see the eternal perspective, God wants us to remember that nothing here is forever. Everyone is terminal. Whether we die of HIV/AIDS or old age, it’s clear that we all will die. The real question we have to answer is this: What will we do with the life God gives us? Will we squander it on our selfish desires or use it in a way that furthers the Kingdom of God?
For a long time, I wasn’t able to thank God for the suffering that has come along with HIV/AIDS. At first, it was just the mental suffering of having a disease for which there was and still is no cure, times three in our family. As time has gone along, we have endured physical suffering as our immune systems show signs of the virus’ destruction. We’ve endured the uneducated and hurtful comments of those who thought that the only way someone could get this disease was from gay sex or IV drug use. Some of those comments came from Christians who didn’t know any better.
But God has allowed us to come to a position of thanking him for the trials. We’ve grown through them. We’ve had the opportunity to minister to those who have this disease, and we’ve been able to be salt and light in the non-Christian world. You see, there is nothing that can touch us except as it goes through the hands of God first. We can know that he always loves us and has our best in mind.
Jerry and Sue Thacker are the founders of the Scepter Institute, a ministry to help educate and equip churches to respond with Christ's love to those living with HIV/AIDS.
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