Jim Burns is an author, speaker, teacher, radio host and the founder of HomeWord. A father of three daughters aged 24, 22 and 20, Jim is best known as a youth ministry guru, but he has been expanding his ministry to families through projects like his Confident Parenting book and curriculum package.

What are you doing for Father’s Day?

I don’t know, but I know it will be good! My daughter Rebecca was driving me back from the airport recently and she said, “Dad, I’ve got best idea for celebrating Father’s Day.” I’ll have to wait to see what she is planning, but I was really pleased she had thought about it ahead of time.

People spend a lot of time talking about how we can honor fathers. And most of us dads need it, because we feel we’re not doing as good a job as we could be. But speaking personally as a dad of three daughters, when my daughters affirm me that means a lot more than going out to lunch or receiving a necktie that I’m not going to wear. I love the special times we have when they go out of their way to spend time with me. And a card that says, “Here’s how you’ve blessed me,” is much more important than any kind of gift.

You say dads feel they’re not doing as good a job as they could be. And there are certainly plenty of news reports, movies, and memoirs that criticize fathers. How would you grade today’s fathers on their efforts?

I’m positive about fathers right now, in part because I think we’re seeing a transitional generation of dads that’s looking for better role models. The Bible talks about how children can inherit the sins of previous generations, to the third and even fourth generations. But I also believe members of one generation can overcome negative family patterns by being a transitional generation.

My dad loved me by working hard and bringing home the bacon. He didn’t really think about playing catch with me. Now we have a new generation of dads who are much more involved in their kids’ lives. I call this “the power of being there,” and I think it’s much healthier than the model I grew up with.

What role do churches play in all this?

We haven’t always seen a lot of teaching or preaching on fathers and families, in part because a lot of pastors struggle with their own families. But there’s a big change today. One of the fresh movements of the Spirit in our day is that churches are now taking on the responsibilities they should for giving families and fathers some guidance.

Another good sign is Ignite, which features Steve Arterburn, Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud and hosts events for men. Dads need friends, but there are a lot of isolated dads in churches. These gatherings help bring men together in local gatherings.

You’re still pretty connected to trends in youth culture. What do you see?

There are a number of troubling youth trends. When I talk to students, I tell them I wouldn’t want to be their age. It’s tough today, with Internet porn and the disintegration of healthy values. All this makes it even more important for dads to be involved in the life of their families in a relational way. Kids do better when that happens.

Photo: Marc Roberts

One trend getting a lot of attention is “emerging adulthood,” where you have kids in their mid- to late-20s still living at home with mom and dad.

It’s a different world. Once upon a time adolescence lasted about five years, from ages of 13 to 18. Now it starts earlier, 11-ish, and extends well into the 20s.

I’m amazed at the stories I hear when I talk to parents. One parent told me, “I have a 23-year-old who is still at home. He has not completed college. And he’s out until 3 a.m. every morning.”

Our goal as parents should always be helping our kids move from dependence to independence. Meanwhile, if they’re in your house, you have every right to have some stipulations. It’s always better if you can negotiate this. For example, with our daughter, we say, “Hey, that bathroom you use is our community bathroom, and it needs to be cleaned. And if mom and dad fix dinner, you’re doing dishes." Those kinds of conversations are important.

We also believe older kids who are still in the household need to be participating in our worshipping community unless they have a worshipping community of their own.

How do you see your calling and purpose in life? Are you a youth guy, a family guy, or something in between? And how has this evolved over time?

I graduated from college, got married one week later, went on my honeymoon, came back, and seven days later I was working as a youth pastor teaching a 7th grade group. Later, one of my eighth grade students was Doug Fields, who went on to become Saddleback’s youth ministry leader and the founder of Simply Youth Ministry.

I worked in churches for 17 years before I transitioned to YouthBuilders, focusing on youth ministry leadership. I began to see that you can be doing great youth work and helping kids, but you may be putting these kids in homes where the parents need more help than the kids do. So my work has evolved to more of a family-based youth ministry. I founded HomeWord in 1985, and Rick Warren is on my advisory board. Through HomeWord I’m trying to help parents succeed without necessarily giving up on youth ministry.

What would you like your legacy and lasting impact to be?

For the rest of my life I see myself doing two things I want to do. First, I want to be an ambassador for youth ministry. Whatever I’m doing, I’m plugging youth ministry. Parents and church leaders need to be reminded of the tremendous impact youth ministry has had on our culture and on the church.

Second, I want to be a person who helps families succeed. I love kids, and I used to speak to a quarter of a million students a year. But I figured I could get the best bang for the buck by speaking to parents. I can help this generation of kids and better multiply my leverage that way.

I want to be a proponent for and pastor for the family, and I’m going to stand up for the beauty of the family, in all its expressions. There are between 25 and 28 different forms of the family today. It’s not just mom and dad and a white picket fence. I want to serve the family in all its forms.

Steve Rabey is an award-winning writer and an adjunct professor with Fuller Seminary.