John Baker is the author of
Life’s Healing Choices (Howard Books, 2007) and the founder of
Celebrate Recovery, a ministry he created in 1991 at Saddleback Church. The program—a biblically based approach to recovery from hurts, habits, and addictions—is used in thousands of churches nationwide, and more than 600,000 people have completed the program. Life’s Healing Choices is the product of Baker’s collaboration with Pastor Rick Warren, whose 10-week sermon series on recovery formed the foundation of the book.
John Baker recently talked with PurposeDriven.com deputy
editor Patton Dodd about his own journey to recovery, and about his hopes for others’ journeys.
How did you end up being the guy who is leading this conversation about recovery? I was born in a small midwestern town and had a great childhood. My parents were members of a small Baptist church. I asked Christ into my heart at age 13, but as I went through high school, I thought I had to be the best at everything I did because deep down inside it never felt good enough for my parents, my girlfriends, my coaches, my teammates, my classmates, teachers . . . you name it.
If I wasn’t good enough for them, how in the world could I ever be good enough for God? I struggled with . . . almost non-existent self-esteem. I tried to cover up by over-achieving. It’s not a very comfortable way to live. . . but I did that for a lot of years.
I went to the University of Missouri, and (when I left for college) I packed that non-existent self-esteem right along with me and joined a fraternity. With my first drink of alcohol I felt like I finally fit in, like I finally belonged, like I was one of them . . . and that emptiness, that pain, started to go away. I was majoring in business administration and minoring in partying.
I met my wife at a fraternity-sorority football game that I arranged; I was president of the fraternity and she was president of her sorority. We got married in our senior year because of the war—Vietnam was in full swing and I knew I’d be called into the service, so we got married and I joined the Air Force and was chosen to be a pilot.
The war ended and I went into business. I had achieved every one of my life, financial, and career goals by the time I was 30 years old. There was a song that was popular then . . . “Is That All There Is?” The pain and emptiness just kept increasing along with the drinking, and it worked for a lot of years. But finally I crossed the line.
The day that I crossed the line was they day I realized I couldn’t stop drinking. I can remember going into a bar and praying, “God please don’t let me drink today,” and . . . what I ended up doing was drinking. What I would try to do is just not feel, if that makes any sense. So I was emotionally unavailable for my kids and my family for a lot of years and . . . my wife and I ended up with a 13-month separation and that’s kind of what . . .
You bottomed out?Yes, I was dying physically, and my health was in jeopardy from the drinking, but most importantly I was dying spiritually and . . . so I finally did hit my bottom and started going to Alcoholics Anonymous during the separation.
They would talk about their “higher power,” but my higher power had a name—Jesus Christ.
My wife, Cheryl, and the kids had begun attending Saddleback Church. At that time the church met in a gymnasium, and I was visiting the kids one Saturday night, and they asked me to go to church with them the following day. I heard Pastor Rick Warren’s message and the music, and I knew beyond a doubt I was home.
Five months after that God opened our hearts, and my wife and I renewed our marriage vows. This October we’ve been married 40 years.
Photo: iStockphoto
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